YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
