I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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