there's paper in my vomit.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
