Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
