woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
