I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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