I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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