dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
