It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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