my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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