somebody snuck up and got me drunk
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
