There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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