just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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