i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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