Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize