I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
