also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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