Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
