I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
