For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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