Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
