Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
