Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
