Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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