I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
