is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
