i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
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