Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
