What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
