Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
