Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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