you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
