its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i believe in u and ur pee
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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