Reggie can tackle my bush.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
