guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
