Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
