i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
