she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
