she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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