So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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