you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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