During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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