Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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