First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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