So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
