The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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