Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
