Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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