Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
