I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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