oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
