So drunk its hurt
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
