I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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