This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
