So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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