Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
How's work?
Spinning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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