Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize