he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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