Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
