yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
