I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
