is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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