Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
