You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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