I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
