I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
