Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
