Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
