ugly people sure do ruin things
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
