Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
