Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
