THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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