My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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