So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
