At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
